My Pregnancies With the Boys
With the birth of new nephews in the last couple of months, I have been reminded of my pregnancies with my boys. They were not typical, as I had many difficulties I had during my pregnancies. I had three strikes against me in both .
- I am Rh-
- I had hyper-thyroidism
- I developed toxemia
At nineteen years old; I started skipping my menstrual cycle. The doctor I went to see did an ultra-sound to find out what was wrong. He told me that my tubes were blocked and I would never conceive a child. I was totally distraught by the news. I knew then that I was not ready for children, but I also knew that I eventually would want to be a mom.
I fell into a deep depression. I felt that I had nothing left to live for, and became reckless with my life, including suicide attempts. I made a lot of mistakes until one day in 1994 while working in a truck stop in Texas as a waitress. A man unlike any that I had ever seen walked in. I could not take my eyes off of him. I told my co-worker and friend, Tanya, “I want to take him home with me.” She reminded me that hitting on the customers could cost me my job. So, I calmed down.
When the gentleman had finished his meal, he came to the counter to pay. I knew if I wanted to try to have the most remote chance of a relationship with this guy, this would be my last chance to make my move. However, my mind had drawn a blank and the only thing I could come up with was; “I like your shirt!” In the midst of it all, we forgot to exchange names and he left.
As I arrived home, I raved on and on to my best friend Vicki about this guy I saw. I told her though that he had never been in the restaurant before and I thought I would never get a chance to see him again.
To my surprise, exactly one week later he showed up again. He asked if I could wait on him, so I agreed. He handed me a bag and told me he had something for me. I opened it up and it contained a shirt just like the one he was wearing. I told him I am not supposed to fraternize with the customers. “What they don’t know, won’t hurt them. My name is Darren.” he replied. We secretly exchanged phone numbers and began a cross-country relationship. Darren was from Indiana, which was the biggest obstacle in our relationship. He wrote to me on an almost daily basis. Our phone conversations tended to be anywhere from four to eight hours at a time.
My depression began to lift. On one night, Darren had called to let me know that his route was changing and he would not be coming through Texas any more. He told me that he and his father were hardly ever at home and his mom had agreed to let me stay with her, if I agreed to move up there so we could continue to pursue our relationship. I knew it was a great risk, but I felt it was a risk worth taking. So I moved.
Darren and I grew quite accustomed to each other and he purposed to me in a club that we frequented. With great joy, I accepted. I asked Darren how he felt about having children and he told to me he had never thought about having any until he met me. I warned him that I was told I would never conceive and how important being a mom had been to me. He assured me that we would find a way even if it meant adoption.
Several months later, I began to get ill. I was frequently nauseated and faint. Darren told me he thought that I might be pregnant. I assured him that I wasn’t because my tubes were blocked. I said, “It isn’t possible!” He had me agree to a test just to ease his mind. I went into the bathroom and did the test. In less than the minute to take the test, the answer had already been quite clear. I was pregnant. I told Darren and he was so excited about it that he couldn’t hide it if he tried.
I went to the doctor and found out that I was already entering my second trimester. I was 3 1/2 months along. Things were going smoothly and I continued to work. At seven months, I found out that I had toxemia and was put on full bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy. The doctor told me it could have been caused by the combination of my blood type and my hyperthyroid.
After 24+ hours of hard labor, my ray of sunshine, Damien, was finally born on November 22, 1995. He was so perfect in every way. I felt so blessed that I did not loose my baby that I had longed for. Little did I know that it would make my second pregnancy more difficult than the first. My husband and I had been fairly careful knowing that I could actually get pregnant.
When Damien was three and a half months old, I sat down to feed him his baby food. All of the sudden, I could not see anything that I was doing. I asked my mother if she could finish feeding him because I could not see. After Damien finished eating, my mom called the doctor to set up an appointment for me. Before my appointment my eyesight began to clear up. I joked with my husband while waiting for the doctor to come into the examining room, that the first thing they did was a pregnancy test. I said, “She is going to come in here and tell me that I am pregnant again. I told you that I didn’t want to be pregnant, two summers in a row. I want to be able to put on a bathing suit this year.”
We began to laugh. About that time, the doctor walked in and said, “Well, Pamela, I think we figured out what is wrong with you. You are pregnant.” My mouth hit the floor. I was hit with shock and disbelief. The doctor noticed the look on my face and began to tell me my options, other than keeping the baby. I told her, “no, no it’s not that; we want another baby. We just didn’t expect it this soon.”
Due to all of the complications of the first pregnancy, I was put on bedrest immediately. The doctors told me from the start that I would miscarry in the first trimester. I took up to ten pills a day to prevent miscarriage. Doctors tried to talk me into having an abortion to prevent the emotional stress miscarrying may cause. I told my doctor, “if this baby was meant to be here he will get here just fine. If not, I will miscarry.” To everyone’s surprise, I made it past the first trimester. The doctors then told me that there was an eighty-five percent chance I would miscarry before the third trimester. I made it past that crucial marker. The doctors then began to prepare me for a premature birth. They told me what to expect and what they would have to do. They also told me if I actually carried him full term; he would be mentally retarded. I had already begun to dilate prematurely.
Following the doctor’s orders, I carried the baby through November 1996. On the 19th the doctor told me I had began to show signs of toxemia and he wanted me to come back on the 21st. When I came back to his office, the doctor told me that my blood pressure is high and he needed to put me in the hospital. When I got there, the nurse put the baby monitor on and told me. You’re in labor that is why your blood pressure is high. Dylan was born on the 22nd. Perfectly healthy physically and mentally.
I can’t imagine not ever having this kind of luck and blessed with the three miracles that have forever changed my life.
Thank You Darren, Damien & Dylan for being here and giving me a life to love and be proud of! I love you guys with all my heart!