“We’re pregnant!” I am going to take this one head on. Call me ‘old school,’ or call me whatever you will, but this phrase makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. No honey, my husband and I, aka we, were never pregnant. I was pregnant, not him. For a matter-of-fact, we did not get pregnant twice, I did.
I know we are getting to a point in modern society to where everyone needs to feel included in everything, but let’s just hash out the facts on this one. In the most simplistic terms, pregnancy is defined as follows: Of a woman or female animal having a child or young developing in the uterus. Sorry people, no uterus, no pregnancy. Only the female can get and be pregnant, sans the test tubes, experimental scientific artificial wombs, or a seahorse or other non-heterogamous animal species where parthenogenesis may occur. Therefore, a human male who was born a human male cannot get pregnant without scientific intervention. She is pregnant!
However, if you are are a father, I would like to take this time to congratulate you on providing your female counterpart the means of becoming pregnant. But, you did not become pregnant; did you? You took a few minutes (and I am sure I am being generous for allowing a few minutes for some of you) of your 24 hour day, danced your little dance, and voila, your partner is pregnant. Now, I know it is tough listening to her talk about being pregnant every day for 280 days minus the few weeks before she even realizes she is carrying a child, but that does not make you pregnant. It makes her pregnant.
Never once did DJ wake up vomiting because his body just did not want to pass his dinner on to his unborn child, or just because that is just what his body felt like doing at the time. He did not have to wake up with tears in his eyes because he rolled over on his swollen breasts which shot nauseating pain through his upper torso. DJ never had to worry about not being able to see his feet because his belly protruded out three times what it did before conception. He did not receive stretch marks from the skin being pulled so tight that it felt as if it were going to split. Not once did he have to deal with the pain of swollen feet and ankles, nor did he cry at the drop of a hat. I never saw DJ waddling from room to room, and girls, you know what I am talking about. As much as we don’t want it, all pregnant women waddle. Also, I never remember DJ having to be put on bed-rest because something was just a little out of whack. He still got to work! He still got to drive, walk, go to the store, and play with our child. I am sorry to disappoint. DJ did not become pregnant. I did.
I do realize that it must be hard for the significant other to sit and wait for their child to be born, but that does not make you pregnant. I know, because I have heard it from many of them, that they feel it is unfair that they do not get to feel the first flutters of life or feel the first full on kick. Hey did you know there are devices that can mimic that now? Anyway, that does not make you pregnant.
DJ and I got me pregnant together, and we were in the pregnancy together; but I was the only one who was pregnant. I am not trying, nor would I ever try, to minimize his role in the situation. My body needed for him not to be pregnant, and his role was a great role, as I needed a provider. I needed him to make sure that I had the food to feed my unborn child. I needed him to rub my back because the extra weight was wearing me down. I needed him to make me feel better when I would cry uncontrollably over Keebler’s Grasshoppers or Three’s Company. I needed him to help me bathe and prop up my swollen feet, and I needed him to hold my hair while I dry heaved over the toilet.
So, non-gestational partners believe me, you are not pregnant; nor do you want to be. You need to be what your partner needs you to be. Be the steadfast partner, and take responsibility by showing her that you will take care of her when she is feeling absolutely miserable. Provide for her. Love her, and hold her. She is the one who is pregnant; and although, millions of women have been doing it since the beginning of time, pregnancy is never easy. Do not minimize the process by saying you are pregnant too.